Regulation Hottie
by aswanandapirate
Summary: Tamara decides to take Hook shopping in New York before they go back to Storybrooke. This has an unexpected effect on Emma. Crack!fic.


"...and now here I am, tied up to this radiator and sitting here with you instead of headed back to Storybrooke with Emma. Do you see my predicament?"

Tamara stood up from her perch on the step stool and walked towards Hook. "There was a lot of rambling about a crocodile and revenge, but I'm smart. I know how to read between the lines. You're not angry because you can't 'skin a crocodile' anymore. You're pissed because the woman you're falling in love with" He tried to interrupt and she shushed him with a raised hand. "Nope, I'm talking. You're pissed because the woman you're _falling in love with_ just left you without a second thought."

Killian looked down at his feet and didn't bother to deny her explanation. "Well...yeah."

"Let me tell you right now, honey, that woman is not done with you. When she talked to me about watching over you, she seemed pretty broken up about leaving." Tamara smirked and pulled out a pocket knife, leaning down to cut Killian's bonds. "Now, before I set you loose, I want you to listen to me. I have a plan that I think will help you snag your girl."

"Alright lass, I'm listening."

"Who is J. and why does his crew have their names on the sign?" Killian looked up at the sign on the side of the building, puzzled as to why a captain would let his crew take over that easily.

"It's the name of the store, idiot." Tamara laughed at Killian's confusion and dragged him inside. She had every intention of transforming this scraggly pirate into royalty, New York style.

A few hours later, Tamara walked out of the latest store with Killian in tow and an armful of shopping bags. Their trip had been extremely successful and she couldn't wait to drive up to Maine with Killian. Not only would Tamara be able to see her fiance again, but she would have the opportunity to see the effect of Killian's transformation on Emma. If that girl didn't jump him in the first five minutes he was back, Tamara hadn't done her job.

An unfamiliar black SUV pulled up in front of Granny's, startling Ruby, who had just walked out for a break, and Emma, who had just gotten her morning coffee. The two exchanged a panicked look._ Another stranger in Storybrooke? How does this keep happening?_

Just when Emma was about to call David for backup, she saw a young African-American woman get out of the driver's side of the car. _Tamara? Why is she here? I thought I told her to stay in New York and watch-_ Emma's mind stopped dead when she saw who had just stepped out of the passenger side of the vehicle. It was Hook, but not as she remembered him. Apparently Tamara had taken him shopping because he looked like a model out of the pages of a J. Crew catalogue. He was wearing modern day clothes, but the abundance of leather in the outfit suggested that Hook wasn't totally willing to part from his swashbuckling past. Emma smirked at the "I 3 NY" t-shirt she saw peeking out from under his leather jacket. _I guess someone went sightseeing._

Ruby stood dead still on the sidewalk, her eyes fixed on the the man now walking towards them. "Damn. That man is fine." She gave Emma a knowing look and walked back inside the diner.

Tamara and Hook walked up to Emma and Tamara grimaced, "I tried to keep him in Neal's apartment, Emma, but Hook wasn't having it. He demanded I take him back to Storybrooke to confront you." She shrugged and walked towards the diner, stopping briefly before she went inside to turn around and mouth, "Good luck!" to Hook behind Emma's back.

"Hello, _Emma_." Hook whipped off his Ray-Bans dramatically then placed his hands on his hips and stared into Emma's eyes, feigning annoyance.

"What?" She shifted her weight from foot to foot, unsteady under his gaze. "You angry that I managed to tie you up _again_?"

"Pretty soon, you'll be more than willing to tie me up again." He licked his lips slowly and his next words came out in a sultry tone. "This time _in the good way_." He winked.

Emma blinked twice, her mouth wide open. "That's not-" She stopped and took the opportunity to give Hook a full once over from head to toe.

"Like what you see?"

"I...well...I mean...you're...it's...different?" Emma was sweating, nervous, a little bit angry, and _extremely_ turned on by Hook's new outfit and she wasn't sure how long she could last. _Apparently not long. _She sighed, defeated, and looked into Hook's eyes again before grabbing his collar and pulling his body towards hers. She muttered "Oh, screw it." before wrapping her arms around his neck and pulling his lips down to hers.

A few minutes later, Tamara peeked out the window of Granny's and found that Hook and Emma were kissing on the sidewalk. They looked pretty into it, so she considered her job well done. _I knew it would work. All Emma needed was a little push._


End file.
